Am I awake or asleep?

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Am I awake or asleep? I ask this question as I sit in my comfy chair in the corner of my room looking at my unmade bed. I cannot gage this or trust my own thoughts because there is something that always pulls me into confusion. Am I awake or asleep? The question in its self gives me the answer. I am asleep. I realize the condition of my own reality, that I cannot find my own way out of the dream. I am imprisoned and cannot think without the influence of my cellmate whose name is “Egor” or Ego for short.

The key to the cell is in the lock. I could leave anytime I want to but I find myself enveloped by the words of Ego. He feels me with fear, conflict, and confusion yet his way is so cunning that you find yourself believing everything he says.

A friend comes to visit me. He stands on the other side of the bars. He encourages me to follow Him but in order to do that I myself must turn the key, open the door and take the first step. My friend goes by the name of “HIS” short for Holy Spirit.

I stand there between Ego and HIS and look upon the bars that divide us. Ego has hold of my hand and pulls on me to come back to bed into the cozy warmth of the blankets. I look at HIS and reach my hand toward Him. However, HIS tells me…I will not…and cannot play the game of tug-war…you must unlock the door yourself, walk through, and awaken from your own nightmare.

Ego says no do not go its cold and lonely out there you will not survive without me. Come back to bed and sleep with me. I will keep you warm and secure.

HIS says, sleep is withdrawing, waking is joining.

As I stand between sleep and wake my thoughts go back to a time of my youth. It was time of being in between then also. I was 16 and at the height of the worst time of my life. I had nowhere to go and did not know what I was going to do. I was staying with a friend temporarily and in this state of desperation, I shut down. All I wanted to do was sleep all the time. I thought of sleeping as an escape from what I was experiencing and it seemed like a way of withdrawing from the world. However, when I slept I was actually in a better happier place where I did not want to leave. I was at peace.

I sit here and look once again at my unmade bed and think of the warmth beneath the blankets…am I asleep or awake? Ego says I am awake and pulls at me to come back to sleep with him.

HIS says…awake…turn the key, walk through the door and see the light of the day, feel the warmth of the sun upon you. Walk with me and I will help you find your way back to your true awakening.

I am sitting in my comfy chair in the corner of my room and as I look at my bed this time, I see that it is made. I am awake and feel a connection with all that is around me. I am no longer fearful or in conflict I am One, Whole and Complete. I am at peace.