Image via WikipediaToday I am having a frustrating day as I babysit my two Grandsons’. There is the one I call the gentle giant and the other whom is little…but feisty. At the age of 58, I do not have the patience or energy I had as a young mother many years ago yet I want to help and see my grandchildren experience the best that they can. Unfortunately, I have come to realize that I may not be the one to give them the best because I do not function to the capacity that they need in their lives right now. I just want to be a Grandparent again, where I can love them up as much as I want and give them back when I run out of juice.
After putting the little feisty one down for a nap after talking back to me, I sit here in the quite with my adrenalin running through my veins and reach my thoughts out to my Creator but I can’t free myself from the feeling of frustration that has a hold of me. Why is it that when we feel this way God feels so fare away and untouchable?
The ego or personal mind has me right where he wants me because it wants to be in control of everything and I hear things within like, see God does not really care…or…He doesn’t even exist. The question of “What’s it all about” begins to spin around in my head and as long as it keeps spinning, I will not see the truth.
The one way that I have found to free myself of this place of destruction is to write as I am now. Once I see what is really happing I am able to see that I am caught in the trap of myself where I am all alone and separate from God. Now that I can see, clearer all the fear, frustration and conflict of the situation goes away and I can once again find the peace, joy and light of the One who makes me completely again. I feel plugged into that life force that gives me the strength to keep going.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel as I focus on the hope up ahead that it brings me back to the place I long to be as a Grandparent. Where there is a will there is always a way and God simple says, “ask.”
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