"Start From Now!"

It seems like only yesterday that I was riding in the car with my Dad when he said to me, “ya know I don’t know how much longer I have in this world, but I just want to know that when I go you will always be there for Sue.”

 Sue was his wife who had been with him for over 30 years.  She was a lot younger then him and not much older then myself.  I loved her dearly she was good for him, made him happy, and truly helped him to be a better man.   I said of course I would, but I asked him in return that he would leave some words of wisdom to help get me through the difficult time since he would no longer be there for me. I didn’t ask for money or possessions, I simple wanted his words that held more value for me than anything. He always had such great words of wisdom and the idea of not having him around to talk with was more then I could bear. We were very close and shared many of the same beliefs.

It was about a year later that he died unexpectedly.  I was there of course for Sue in between my own loss and grief.   I asked Sue several times, if he had left a note for me, but there was nothing, and all I could hope for was that someday she would come across it.  I was hurt, and with grief we go through so many stages that I had to work hard at letting it go.   As time went on I realized that his words had resonated so much within me that it seemed our conversations continued to go on as I would contemplate what he would have said about this or that.   

It wasn’t but a few years later that Sue became ill and lost her battle with cancer.  I held to my promise right up to the end and I did the best I could.  I knew my Dad would have been proud of me.  When she passed away, I came back into the quiet of their home and sat among all their stuff.   Everything told a story about who they were, yet it was only stuff without them.  Eventually I had to break all the pieces of their life down, and get rid of it.  In the process, I went on a treasure hunt looking for my letter.

I never found a specific letter but what I did find was a few little notebooks he always carried with him in his pocket.  If he read something that spoke to his spirit, he would jot it down so he could refer back to it whenever he needed it.  I found little pieces of paper scattered throughout the house with jotted phases, quotes, and poems that spoke to his heart.  One paper was a yellow sticky I found on the inside door of his medicine cabinet which he opened ever morning when he pulled out his shaving kit. It had these simple but powerful words that spoke to my heart, “Start from now!”  I knew what it meant, as he would often tell me how important it was to bring you into the moment.  If you stop for the moment to look at where you are right now, it’s always a new beginning. Nothing else matters but where you find yourself right now at this moment.

I now have that little sticky note inside a frame.  It sits in my bathroom where I can see it first thing in the morning when I wash away the sleepiness from my eyes.  I keep the rest of the notes in my little treasure box of goodies and contemplate the wisdom and insight they bring to me as they did him.  I have since learned to look for the voice of God in all things for he specks to us in many ways, all we have to do is “Start from now!”